lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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