he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
