we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
