does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
