When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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