he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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