Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
