mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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