I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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