apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
