mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You can't special order awesome
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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