i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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