his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
