you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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