hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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