I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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