I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
