I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
