Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
