Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
