I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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