I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
