Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
