How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize