Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
