At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
