dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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