i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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