my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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