Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
