We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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