wrigley field is MILF paradise
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?