Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus