Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.