as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
