Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize