i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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