this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
two words: eviction party
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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