didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
