When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
