He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
