my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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