I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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