help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
