Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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