Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
