dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
