my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
