Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
