you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
