dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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