Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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