I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.