Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
