Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
