I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
