meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
