i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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