We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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