yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
