first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Randomize
