We named our party play list daddy issues
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
