Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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