Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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