I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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