i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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