So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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