She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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