I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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